Relationships

What do men and women want/need/look for in a relationship?

Purchased from Bali, October 2014

We all know there's no universal answer.  You read about it in the magazines/blogs/internet.  You hear about it from peers and strangers.  You experience failed and successful relationships.  You observe your parents', friends' and family's relationships.  I've tried to reflect and knuckle it down to 3 things:

1. Excellent teamworking skills

This may sound like a CV/medical school application but it covers a lot of points.  There are several qualities and skills required to make a team successful.
First, they want to win and succeed. The ambition is there.
Secondly, they recognise and understand each others best and worst qualities and traits, strengths and weaknesses, and fears and ambitions. They work around problems with these all in mind: utilising strengths to their potential; supporting the weaknesses and nurturing improvement and learning; being considerate of the other team player's emotional, mental and physical health.
Thirdly, they take turns to lead.
Fourthly, they evaluate situations should things go wrong - they don't blame.
Lastly, they are excellent communicators - absolute key to success.

2. Need for affection
We humans need affection - be it physical or emotional.  It releases dopamine and oxycontin, relieves stress, makes us feel good/happy/secure/safe, ...makes us feel accepted.  I admire and aspire to be like those old couples who still hold hands and kiss each other on the cheeks/lips in public.  A peck a day at least, if within proximity of each other or under the same roof.  Random thoughtful displays - be it a surprise home-cooked dinner, cake, a flower, a post-it note or cleaned up home - will always be extra brownies points and induce a big smile on my weary face after work.  A simple hug or back hug/spoon. A little dance.  A nuzzle on the nose.  Snuggling on the couch.  You feel appreciated and loved.  The power and influence of a simple human touch often goes unrecognized.

I've noticed that patients respond better and feel less frightened/worried/alone/vulnerable with just a gentle hand touch to their shoulder or by just holding their hands.  Human hands are connectors and by closing the gates with human touch thus completing the circuit, currents of empathy, compassion, and reassurance flows.

3. Nurturing 
The two people mutually have to be able to and most importantly want to bring the best out of each other and create that supportive, secure and encouraging environment.  They both need to respect and admire each others' accomplishments and inspire each other.  In life, Admire to Aspire to Inspire.